Now what I am about to say is about as socially acceptable as riding a
goat in front of a packed Vatican Sq. but I never have, never will
like the idea at all. No way Benny Dick !, I would not deny the
potential of the menage-a-trois, but there is a world of difference
between the gentle soft-focus explorings of genteel realities of
drinking from the furry cup, whilst having a little extra underbelly attention,
as Mullah McGuinness would say, .That's not to say that
many women might not derive great results from the diamond formation too
but that's their business.
Many cailins have described the experience as "transcendental", "quite
enjoyable" or even "Spiritual". It's interesting to note that every
one of these women are Catholic some of them nuns. It's as if they
have some genetic predilection for the forbidden. After all, what's
the point of turning up at confession in the Vatican if you don't have
something worth confessing, right?.
Now Protestants, they're like Iceland, they go there because someone
told them they'd like the locals, only to find that there are too many
for a truly satisfying strike. Indeed, there are many places far more
hospitable. No they would prefer lying back on their backs and
thinking of the Queen of England while their partner watch the Pope's Rangers
getting hammered on the telly at Ibrox Park.
So the heroine of Xmas Eve, Susanna Maiolo, 25, was hospitalized after putting on a
stunning performance for pilgrims, in the cavernous basilica by
leaping over a security barricade and pulling Pope Benedict, 82, to
the floor and sitting on his face, in a dramatic start to late mass on
Thursday.
I hardly need add that Suzie has been sent to hospital pending
psychiatric evaluation instead of the Paedophile infested congrgation.
While I myself am prepared to admit a certain sympathy with some peoples' love
of the outdoor life, I must insist upon the following, water sports can be deadly
but she was simply explaining to the Pontiff the activities and the possibilities
of a Lesbian golden shower.
The Pope himself on numerous occasions at least, publicly has stated,
"Please don't misunderstand me, no person alive enjoys water more then
myself. Indeed, I usually shower seven or eight times a day, more at
weekends. And while I can fully appreciate the thrill that mounting,
for example a jet-ski might give, as the beast between one's legs
provokes a shattering, water-borne climax, I cannot fathom as to how
we might extend the possibilities to full cailin on cailin action or
alternative unions."
Now, Suzie, having been refused a private audience for a personal
demonstration for the Pope, is prone to bouts of over-excitement, as you all now
know. " Hell hath no fury like woman scorned and Suzie was forced to
indecently assault the Pope on Xmas Eve publicly in the Vatican in front of the
whole world. I can only speculate however, as to what exactly Ms Givings on the Thames
said, to provoke and prime her, that this Xmas would be much
improved, by a Vatican supplement entitled " Vatican Water Sports,
Golden Pope vestments, Golden Bent Staff, Golden Bishop Handshakes, Golden
Shower".
As the Pope has already expressed many times, his doubts about alternative
love, Suzie became increasingly agitated. He had, she insisted,
completely missed the point. The alternative union debate became
increasingly so acrimonious for her, that an incredibly furious
Suzanna, jumped the railings pulled down her pants and proceeded to
urinate onto a very expensive Papal vestment, while sitting on his
face, as an interfering 87 year old cardinal with a broken hip, lay
there licking his lips.
Meanwhile a certain Ms Givings speaking from the New MI6 Palace on the
Thames confirmed, she has been hard at work for some time, creating an
anti-Papist agent. "After a hard day on the wards of the MI6
headquarters on the Thames, I spent quite some time introducing
Susanna to sapphic love. I have loved women in the past and slept with
them too. I think if you love and pleasure a woman, particularly if
you are a woman yourself, then certainly you know how to do things in
a certain way, that the Pope doesn't understand."
Ms Givings is indeed no slouch in the girl-on-girl department. One
furry cup guru commented "It tends to be the case that normal lesbians
or bisexual women may not perhaps be as well endowed as Ms. Givings in
the phwoaaar department make indifferent lovers. Ms. Givings, on the
other hand, can lead a whimpering partner such as Suzie to a
shattering climax within seconds, before continuing to work the
trembling recipient for days, if not weeks." She simply instructed
Suzanna to seek a private audience with the Pope and introduce him to
sapphic love, the furry cup and golden showers.
A leading Orangeman who wished to remain anonymous is outraged about all of this,
"For the love of all that's Holy, how can these Catholics get away with
sh.. like this in this day and age?" raged the man from Ballymena.
"It's just plain wrong. Hell's supposed to be overcrowded
with unrepentant Fenian bastards but it's getting ridiculous. They're
just scum, the lot of them, except Marty of course."
So with that I will leave you comrades to experience the freedom of some more of
Mullah McGuinness's "soft underbelly" action. I wish all of you comrades,
a New year of freedom, especially in the underbelly department.
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