Saturday, October 31, 2009

Urban Dictionary: Baggot

Certain visitors to the beaches of a tropical island in the South China Sea, have recently been rushing to check out the services of the beaches’s newest masseur, a wild piglet named Baggot. In exchange for for a few scraps of food, Baggot uses his snout to massage tired limbs and relieve members of a nearby gay nudist club, reportedly with more skill than the most expert of hands.

The unusual talent was discovered by the club’s owner, 41-year-old Willem De Oranje, originally from Amsterdam, when he took Baggot to play in the bedroom and the piglet began to use his snout to rub Wim’s calves to begin with. Mr De Oranje then pointed to other parts of his body and Baggot duly obliged, giving him a complete and full VIP body massage with extras.

When word spread around the Netherlands, neighbours and relatives of De Oranje, flocked to the beach to try out the piggy masseur for themselves and their partners. Wim recognizing the business potential, now has Baggot training the native piglets, in the art of Baggotry and piggotry, rimming or salad tossing as it is often referred to in the trade(see Urban dictionary).

Mr Oranje simply calls Baggot’s name, points to the person and the the piglet starts the treatment immediately. Baggot duly continues until Wim tells him to stop, which on occasions takes a little longer, because of his enthusiasm. Although Wim's partner complains politely, that Baggot on occasions can be a trifle sloppy and may be taking the urine with typical pig instinct, he can be heard on other occasions, to abuse Baggot, with comments like " Bog off back to where you came from, you Swine".

Baggot came to live with Mr De Oranje and its partner after Wim found him on the beach. A friend explained to Mr Oranje that Baggot had been originally part of a litter of piglets in England but his surrogate who incidentally was also called Baggot, trampled on all of the rest of the litter, suddenly dissappearing overseas but he somehow managed to escape with his life.

Baggot was also trampled on by his clumsy former mentor but managed to survive. Feeling sorry for the creature, the friend brought him safely to the island, after his bitchy surrogate had moved to Ireland. Mr De Oranje asked his friend if he could take the piglet home. Wim and his partner. then raised Baggot on a secret primal formula, then weaned him onto solids such as humanely processed rice and potatoes.

Unlike normal pigs, Baggot does not like typical pig food such as white rice. Rather, he insists on non criminal humanely processed food and occasionally chews brown rice. His favourite drink is a non-alcoholic shandy concoction, which he will devour all day long if permitted, in a truly swine like sloppy manner. He sanitizes all floors however afterwards, with Evangelical zeal, removing any slops or leftovers thoroughly.

Strangely, given his species, Baggot does not like playing in the mud, he prefers house muck on occasions, making a thorough pig of himself, rolling around happily for hours wallowing in all sorts of excrement. Apparently he has also been trained to sleep in the same bed as his owners, while never wetting the bed. He wakes Wim and his partner up with his snout, to go outside every morning, as he also likes to go for rides on the back of his owner's bicycle to check on the local village criminals.

As Baggot’s fame has spread, offers have started coming in to buy it . But Mr De Oranje has said that they love Baggot and could never sell him, besides he has a contract of a million pounds sterling to train all the other potential native Baggots at his academy, the finer points of pigotry. Mr De Oranje said that he believes that in a previous life, Baggot was a criminal whore and that the two of them must have made merit together, so they both could be reunited in this life as born again virgins.

P.S Baggot - A person who sucks dick for the enjoyment of the taste of cum - Urban Dictionary: Baggot


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